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Chale, you're too old to be playing with toys

No battery-operated boyfriends (and girlfriends) allowed!

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Chale News
July 25, 2024

QUICK BYTE

  • Ghana’s Supreme Court has just declared that using dildos and vibrators for some self-love is a no-go, sticking firmly to an old-school law that outlaws “unnatural” sexual acts. Yes, if your lover can fit in your purse and if you have to recharge their power level with electricity and AA batteries, you’re wrong! Get the 411 in the Deep Dive section below

  • Everybody knows Asomdwee Park is usually a place of somber reflection, but yesterday 24th July 2024, it was a battleground. Mercy Araba Ahema Quarshie, sister of the late President John Evans Atta Mills, has turned up the heat on Koku Anyidoho, the former deputy general secretary of the NDC. She’s accusing him of holding "auditions" for fake family members to attend a wreath-laying service for Mills. Apparently, Mr. Anyidoho's time-wasting antics also delayed the second memorial service for the actual Atta Mills family. Want the deets in full? Check out the Deep Dive section.

  • In the latest season of "When Teachers Vanish,"(No, it’s not on Netflix) the Teacher Trainees Association of Ghana (TTAG) President Razak Soale has thrown some major shade at the 40-day CETAG strike. Since the teachers ghosted, there’s been no security, no orientation for L300 students, and an eerie silence in lecture halls that should be buzzing with micro-teaching sessions. L400 students who are mainly off-campus have to figure out how to pay their landlords more rent. One student has also been unalived. Want the breakdown of how it’s going down? Read more in the deep dive section.

  • The OSP is on a real-life scavenger hunt for three corruption suspects, including Anthony Gyasi, aka Nana K. Gyasi, Nana Gyasi, and Nana. He’s 34 and potentially hiding in Greater Accra, Eastern, or Ashanti Regions. Joining him in the wanted spotlight is Francis Asare, 27, who might be lounging in New Fadama. Both have a knack for creative aliases and keeping bad company! If you see them, remember, it’s not Halloween; they’re not trick-or-treating, so call the authorities! Read full story

  • Fame? Check. Fortune? Not So Much.

    Ghanaian screen queen, Auntie Bee, just dropped a truth bomb: acting gave her all the glitz and glam but left her wallet feeling lighter than a feather. She admitted she skipped learning new skills and having kids because she feared being out of work. Now, looking back, Auntie Bee says she'd play her cards differently. So, while we’ve been binge-watching her shows, she’s been dreaming of a do-over—fame without the fortune is a tough gig! Read more

  • Herbert Krapah, our Energy Minister, is playing matchmaker between Tema Oil Refinery (TOR) and Sentuo Oil Refinery, asking the two oil giants to swipe right on each other. So as you know, TOR's been that talented-but-lazy kid who never does homework, while Sentuo is the overachiever with perfect grades. Krapah's like, "Guys, why the beef? Team up and slay the game!" He's all in for them working together to meet Ghana’s oil cravings, and even brought his squad, including the Deputy CEO of the National Petroleum Authority, Perry Okudzeto, to seal the deal. Now, TOR's been lowkey struggling, kinda like your favorite YouTuber before they went viral. But Krapah's got big dreams—eyeing a strategic partner to give TOR a glow-up. Read more

  • Ghana's oil game is on fire! In the first half of 2024, the country raked in a whopping $840 million from oil revenue, up 36% from last year's $540 million. The Bank of Ghana's latest report shows this surge is thanks to some major contributions: $470 million from oil liftings, $350 million from corporate taxes, $580,000 from surface rentals, and $7 million in interest on the Petroleum Fund.

    And the good news doesn't stop there. The Bank of Ghana allocated $91 million to the Ghana Stabilization Fund and $39 million to the Ghana Heritage Fund, making sure every cedi is put to good use. With Fitch Solutions projecting a 4.3% GDP growth rate for 2024, it’s like Ghana's economy is looking pretty sweet. Read more

  • Residents of Sefwi-Wiawso are not here for Speaker Bagbin's vibes! On July 24, they hit the streets, demanding a big, fat apology for booting their MP, Dr. Kwaku Afriyie, out of Parliament. Apparently, Dr. Afriyie dropped some spicy comments that Bagbin didn’t appreciate and sacked him from the chamber. Then Majority Chief Whip Frank Annor-Dompreh tried to smooth things over with an apology, Dr. Afriyie was like, “Nah, fam, I didn’t send him!”

    Now, the Sefwi-Wiawso squad, repping the New Patriotic Party (NPP), is calling Bagbin’s move a major diss. They want an apology in one week or else… well they haven’t told us what they will do yet. Read more

DEEP DIVE

So Chale, as I was telling you, Supreme court says, “toss out your dildos and the rest cos you can be prosecuted for that.” It’s back to basics for everyone (or not).

A seven-member panel dismissed a challenge against Section 104 (1) (b) of the Criminal Offences Act, 1960, which criminalizes sex acts deemed “unnatural,” even between consenting adults. The court case, brought forth by University of Ghana law lecturer Dr. Prince Obiri-Korang, aimed to challenge Section 104 (1) (b) of the Criminal Offences Act, 1960. This ancient law deems it a crime for consenting adults to engage in what it calls "unnatural carnal knowledge." Dr. Obiri-Korang argued that the law violates constitutional rights by infringing on personal privacy and discriminating based on sexual orientation.

But the Supreme Court wasn’t having it. In their unanimous decision, they declared the suit “meritless,” leaving the law intact. So, for now, keeping things au naturel is the only way to stay on the right side of the law. Read more

Scene One: The Chaotic Prelude

On what should have been a serene Wednesday, Anyidoho decided to overstay his welcome during the memorial service for the late President. Not just by a smidge, but enough to delay the entire event, ruffling feathers and causing a mini-uproar. It's like he missed the memo on punctuality.

Scene Two: The Libation Libel

Not content with overstaying his time, he allegedly brought in "actors" to play the role of Atta Mills' family members. It's as if he held auditions for the role of grieving relatives – According to Atta Mills’ sister Mercy, Anyidoho was casting people like “you, you’re good, you’ll be the mother! Mercy was clutching her pearls, like “Lawd have Mercy” when an 80-year-old woman, claiming to be the real mother of Atta Mills, started pouring libations and hitting her thigh in a bizarre display of self-assertion.

Scene Three: The Declaration of War

Mercy made it clear: Anyidoho’s antics weren’t just an annoyance, they were a full-blown scandal. She blasted him for tampering with their brother’s grave without any familial consent. According to Quarshie, what Anyidoho did wasn't just wrong – it was a family taboo of epic proportions. And now, the gloves are off with Mercy saying she’ll show Anyidoho where the power lies.

NO EDUCATION AT COLLEGES

Since CETAG went on strike, College campuses around the country have been disorganised. No security, no orientation for L300 students, and an eerie silence in lecture halls that should be buzzing with micro-teaching sessions. Razak Soale didn’t mince words on PM Express, lamenting how the strike has “come to a halt, other duties by CETAG have also come to an end.” It's so bad, he even narrated a tragic tale of a student from Atebubu College who met an unfortunate end in a Techiman accident because, well, the teachers who should be keeping them grounded were on strike.

And just when you thought it couldn’t get more dramatic, enter the L400 students who are now juggling new rental agreements thanks to the strike extension. You sign a lease expecting to be out by September 7th, only to realize you’ll be burning through cash to have a roof, pay for electricity and other expenses because the strike has other plans.

In the midst of this campus chaos, the government’s threat to freeze CETAG’s salary has only added fuel to the fire as teachers aren’t even budging. Cos what’s that we said this year again? No gree for anybody!

But it seems there's a glimmer of hope. Prof. Samuel Atintono of PRINCOF says talks with the government have been “very fruitful”. Hopefully in the next episode, the teachers return, and the campus drama subsides. Read story

FACT OF THE DAY

Your friend, Sheila just sent you another sale post for the latest anti-aging miracle cream on Instagram. Maybe it’s snail mucin, promising to erase those wrinkles, or some exotic Korean skincare serum claiming to turn back time. We’ve all been there, dreaming of looking and living forever young, just like in Mr. Hudson’s song

But guess what? There’s a creature out there that doesn’t need fancy creams or potions to stay young. Meet Turritopsis dohrnii, the immortal jellyfish. When this jellyfish encounters tough times—like injury or starvation—it doesn’t just roll over and die. Instead, it hits the reset button, transforming itself back into a baby jellyfish. Imagine if you could just revert to your youthful self every time life got rough!

Scientists are fascinated by this tiny time traveler, hoping to uncover secrets that might one day help us humans beat aging. For now, though, the immortal jellyfish remains a quirky reminder that while we’re busy slathering on snail mucin and singing about staying forever young, nature might already have the answer swimming in the ocean. So next time you’re putting on your sunscreen, just remember: somewhere out there, a jellyfish is laughing at us, forever young and living its best life!

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