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Dear Customer, your water bill is due.

(and don't tell me the taps aren't running)🙄🙄🙄

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Chale News
December 02, 2024

Welcome to election week! Some are dusting off their voter IDs, and some are planning to sleep in their house on election day. And these two types of people are reading this newsletter right now.😂😂😂😂

And chale, thank you for your patience today, we didn’t mean to starve you. You’re the best, really (blows kisses).

Today:

  • Politics: Election 2024's special voting kicks off today, but the Western and Eastern Regions will have their turn on December 5.

  • Health: When NHIA says “free dialysis,” they mean it—backed by billions, not vibes!

  • Economic: Ghana's MoMo game is lit! October saw 728 million mobile money transactions.

  • Regional: In Gbawe, the taps are on strike, but the bills are flourishing like inflation. If you live there, chale…

  • Politics: Media houses no dey carry last: GJA Prez secures VIP passes for election coverage.

  • Fact of the Day: Snails have teeth. True or false?

  • Politics: Ayawaso ‘Chop Bar Politics’ sparks queue confusion at Special Voting.

  • National: SITUATIONSHIP ALERT: đŸš¨ Dampare and his squad aren’t here for any private security wahala during the elections.

QUICK BYTE

  • Gbawe people are in a new drama, and the genre is “Dry Taps and Broken Promises.” Like for six whole months, water has gone ghost mode. Like, not even a drip. Yet every month, GWCL sends them a sweet little WhatsApp: “Dear customer, your water bill is due. Kindly pay promptly to avoid inconvenience.” Auntie Hassana got a WhatsApp bill notification and nearly lost her wig. Imagine paying GH¢140 weekly just to truck in water while GWCL still expects monthly payments for taps that haven’t flowed since February. GWCL even had the nerve to come around last week to ensure people continue paying. Want the deets in full? Check out the Deep Dive section.

  • It’s a busy day for Ghana’s Electoral Commission as the special voting exercise gets underway! This event lets essential workers like election officials, journalists, and security personnel avoid queues on December 7 by voting early. Read more

  • Ghana's MoMo game is lit! October saw 728 million mobile money transactions, up from 705 million in September. The value? A whopping GH¢298.6 billion, baby! But here's the plot twist: the float balance dropped from GH¢25.1 billion to GH¢24.2 billion. It’s like your wallet is heavier, but you’re spending faster than you can blink. There’s one small problem, active agents dipped from 456,000 to 404,000—where are they all disappearing to? Nobody knows. Read more

  • From December 1, 2024, free dialysis is live under the National Health Insurance Scheme (NHIS). To back this up, the NHIA has paid GH₵200 million in claims to health facilities, part of a gargantuan GH₵1 billion disbursed in two months.

    NHIA’s CEO, Dr. DaCosta Aboagye, proudly declared, “No debts here! Bring us your claims; we’re ready.” Read more

FACT OF THE DAY

❝

Snails have thousands of teeth.

  • It was all peace and calm at the Ayawaso West Wuogon special voting exercise until the MP, Lydia Alhassan, decided to spice things up with a bit of "operation fill your belly". Rocking her white top and blue cap, she led the distribution of food packs to people waiting to vote, including Electoral Commission officials and security personnel. But this move didn’t sit well with her main contender, actor and NDC parliamentary candidate John Dumelo. Clearly unimpressed, Dumelo stormed the scene and, in an interview, asked, “What kind of stupidity is this?” Read more

  • Journalists are preparing to storm election collation centres like players ready for the World Cup final. Then, boom! The Electoral Commission (EC) announces a cap of 3,308 accreditations for journalists nationwide. Journalists start shouting louder than a trotro mate during rush hour. “How can 3,308 be enough?!” So, Albert Kwabena Dwumfour, President of the Ghana Journalists Association (GJA), sat down with EC boss Madam Jean Mensa. After a back-and-forth negotiation, they struck a deal:

    • 4,500 accreditations for journalists.

    • Single-entry access cards that let reporters cover both constituency and regional collation centres. Read more

DEEP DIVE

Welcome to Gbawe’s Water Olympics

  • Event 1: Water Fetching Relay.
    Some are buying water from tankers at prices that can make you faint. A single bucket? A whole investment! Others are chasing boreholes or even rain like it’s the second coming.

  • Event 2: Most Creative Use of Polytanks.
    Shout-out to one benevolent neighbor called Anointed (yes, that’s the name!) who’s turned his house into a community reservoir. Man’s basically a savior with tanks, but even he’s running low.

    The people of Gbawe West? Oh, they’re tired. Comfort Tetteh says she’s been walking distances so long, she might as well add "Marathon Trainer" to her CV. One guy with special needs, Frank, basically threw his hands up like, “Bro, even bathing is now a luxury.” Imagine living in 2024 and fetching water like it’s 1824.

    Nana Kweku Egyir Gyapi III a, chief and resident of Gbawe says he’s ready to go and demonstrate in front of GWCL’s offices. Imagine a chief holding a placard reading “No Water, No Bills!” Somebody tag the news crew!

    Meanwhile, GWCL says they’ll host a press conference soon. Bet it’ll be full of big English, no real solutions. Until then, Gbawe West people will keep living like they’re starring in a survival show: “Fetch or Die.” Read more

NEWS SOURCES

Today’s stories are curated from: