Sleep after death isn't guaranteed!

This week on the internet, Ghana was hit with all sorts. First, we were fighting for our lives defending fugu after Namibia and friends decided to call it a “blouse.” A blouse. The disrespect. Timeline turned into a fashion court, with Ghanaians posting full drip like, “Does this look like a blouse to you?” Cultural pride was activated.

Then the court of law said, “round two,” Agradaa’s sentence dropped from 15 years to 1 year. Before we could even process that, social media morphed into a soap opera starring Rev Obofour and Queen Ciara. It started with a birthday post from a woman named Maame Sika that had tweeps and Tiktokers like “wait, what?! 👀” and suddenly timelines were flooded with rumours about secret side-chicks, old flames, baby mamas, and plenty things. We’re tired mpo!

As for the rest, it resembles your eyes👇🏾👇🏽

• Regional: Osu Cemetery said ‘not today’.

• Politics: When the gift is a TV, but the consequence is a recall letter.

• National: ECG wants you to know the lights will go off, but it’s for character development.

• National: School feeding money has landed.

• National: COCOBOD said: ‘Money is coming’ and this time, it actually came.

• Fact of the Day: Women buy more candles than men. And the men who buy candles, mostly buy them for women.

• Business: Abossey Okai Looked at 20% VAT and Said ‘Ei??’ Even carburetors are coughing.

• Agriculture: Cocoa is tired. Like… burnt-out tired.

QUICK BYTE

• Early Friday morning, while most of us were deep in REM sleep or doomscrolling, two guys decided Osu Cemetery was the place to do side hustle. Apparently, this wasn’t random. There’s been a whole underground situation going on; illegal exhumations, shady grave sales, the works. Like someone looked at burial plots and said, “Hmm, real estate opportunity.” Late-stage capitalism paa nie! Anyway, the Assembly had already had enough. Press conference done. Warnings issued. Security deployed. So when Eric and Joseph showed up with tools and confidence, the task force said, “Ah, you people didn’t hear?” So, Eric and Joseph are now with the police, and the Assembly says it’s zero tolerance from here. Read more

• If you live in Accra East, Accra West, Tema, and parts of Central Region, charge your phones, boil your water, and mentally prepare for light off. ECG has announced planned maintenance between Feb 8–13. Accra East is getting the staggered treatment; Sunday here, Tuesday there, Wednesday sneaks in, Thursday rounds it off. GIMPA people, Achimota people, East Legon people, if your fan suddenly stops mid-spin, don’t shout. Even North Dzorwulu is catching strays twice. Accra West gets emergency maintenance tonight, planned maintenance midweek, sprinkled like seasoning. From Nsawam to Darkuman to Dansoman Junction, it’s giving rotating blackout tour. Outside Accra, Central Region also says hello to darkness on Monday, Feb 9. Short and sharp, 9am–3pm. Enough time to rethink your life choices, nap aggressively, or finally talk to your family. This week, power banks are luxury items, ice blocks are investments and asking, “do you have light?” is valid conversation starter. Don’t be caught unfresh. Read more

• So cocoa, Ghana’s golden child, national pride, poster boy is currently sitting on the edge of the bed, head in hands, whispering “I can’t do this anymore.” Buyers are warning that the sector is close to collapse if things don’t change fast. The issue? Money delays, bad sales timing, too much political wahala, and systems that feel like they were patched together with duct tape. Farmers are unpaid, buyers are broke, and everyone is side-eyeing everyone. Get the 411 in the Deep Dive section below

• Baba Jamal, Ghana’s High Commissioner to Nigeria, has been asked to “please, come home.” Like he’s been recalled-recalled. Why? Allegations that free TVs were making too many rounds during the NDC Ayawaso East primaries. Apparently, other candidates were accused too, but Baba Jamal was the only one who’s also a serving public officer. President Mahama is like, “If you’re a public officer, you can’t be in these streets like everyone else.” The recall kicks in immediately, while the party does its own investigations. Read more

• Good news just dropped: government has paid School Feeding caterers for first term. If you’ve ever watched a school feeding caterer at 5:30am, you know this money is not “extra.” It’s sweat money. Firewood money. Tomato money. For months, caterers have been stretching miracles. Turning GH¢2 (yep, that’s the feeding fee per child) into carbs, stew & protein. One eye on the pot, one eye on prices at the market doing parkour. This time, the Ministry of Gender, Children and Social Protection says the funds are out, based on how many days you actually cooked. This one dier, NCNC; No cooking? No counting. Read more

• COCOBOD has started paying Licensed Buying Companies so they can clear the arrears owed to cocoa farmers. Yes, actual payments. Not meetings, not statements but money. This comes after pressure mounted and Parliament said, “Guys, farmers are suffering.” COCOBOD says they’ve alcitiready paid billions over the past few months and are still paying, so farmers can finally get what they’re owed. Read more

• Abossey Okai spare parts dealers are not smiling. The new VAT regime has pushed tax on spare parts from a gentle 4% to 20%. Dealers say the new 20% VAT is doing too much. It gets messier. Big dealers who are VAT-registered must charge the full 20%, but smaller ones selling the same parts can charge less just because they’re under the threshold. So doing well now comes with punishment. Grow your business? Congrats, now you’re more expensive than the guy two shops down. The dealers aren’t saying “no tax at all.” Maybe reduce it. Abossey Okai spare parts dealers say if this isn’t fixed, they’ll lock their shops for a week, and you know when Abossey Okai sneezes, the whole car-owning population catches a cold. Read more

DEEP DIVE

Cocoa is going through a lot.

The first wahala is money. COCOBOD usually secures big funding to keep things moving. But instead of the usual billions landing early, the cash came late, small, or didn’t come at all. So buying companies borrowed from banks at interest rates that feel like daylight robbery. Meanwhile, they still paid farmers, hoping COCOBOD would reimburse them quickly. Spoiler: it didn’t. Months passed. Debts stacked. Some companies just collapsed quietly like phones on 1%.

Then came the new funding models, 60/40, then 80/20, which sound like betting odds but aren’t fixing much. Some buyers got stranded with no funds, cocoa sat in warehouses unpaid, and farmers started holding unsold beans in whatever bags were available. Fertiliser bags.

Sales strategy didn’t help either. Global prices were sweet, but cocoa wasn’t sold aggressively enough. Now prices have dipped, cocoa is stuck, and payments are delayed again. Tension has reached village-level drama, with reports of farmers grabbing purchasing clerks like, “You bought my cocoa, where’s my money?”

And hovering over everything is politics. Too much interference, too many reshuffles, too little long-term thinking. Buyers are begging for structure, professionalism, and actual reform. Because if cocoa falls apart, illegal mining will happily step in and say “say less.” And once that happens, there’s no undo button. Read more

CHECK OUT WHAT’S TRENDING

• Majority calls for annulment of Ayawaso East election primaries.

NEWS SOURCES

Today’s stories are curated from:

1. www.myjoyonline.com

2. www.ghanaweb.com

3. www.citinewsroom.com

4. www.norvanreports.com

5. Channel1news