The Elephant is in the room...

So, what’s in the bag today?

• Education: Forget the computer. SHS placement is basically decided in a WhatsApp chat.

• Politics: When Nana Addo said he’d stake his presidency on galamsey, he didn’t know the real mining was happening in ballot boxes.

• National: Tom Brown, Heavy Metal Edition. Forget vitamins, your breakfast may be packing toxins.

• National: Even Ghanaian law says, “If your wife dey ball and you dey broke, go collect your share, king.”

• National: Sheikh Umar says stop marrying “by heart” and giving birth like it’s promo season, one marriage, max three kids, chale.

• Fact of the Day: Want to know who invented pop corn?

• Crime: INTERPOL just ran Africa’s biggest “scam clearance sale,” and Ghana bagged 68 scammers, like our very own Black Stars squad, but for catfishing.

• Economic: World Bank just said: stop blaming Covid, the yawa was DIY.

• Crime: Two guys thought dumping refuse was stress-free… but chale, now they’re recycling their time at Nsawam.

QUICK BYTE

• So every September, Ghana does this same group project nobody asked for, school placement drama. Parents storm offices like they’re auditioning for Kumawood’s latest protest movie, kids cry like Arsenal fans in May, and the system that was supposed to be stress-free just ends up stress-ful. This year, a former GES boss, Charles Aheto-Tsegah, basically spilled the piping hot tea: the problem is not the computer, it’s the elephant in the room aka protocol. Get the full deets in the Deep Dive section.

• Kwadwo Poku, an NPP guy, says the NDC turned Akufo-Addo’s “I’ll bet my presidency on this fight” galamsey ban into small chops before 2020 elections. Like, man said while Nana Addo was sweating in his white shirt trying to play Captain Planet, NDC was in the mining towns whispering, “Chale, if we win, you fit go back dig your hole oo.” That’s like your strict dad grounding you, then your cool uncle sneaking you outside with FanIce. And well, it worked! NPP lost plenty seats in mining towns. Upper Denkyira West, which is usually NPP’s safe zone, switched sides. Read more

• So apparently, the (Ghana) law says needy husbands also deserve upkeep. So if things choke while madam is balling, you can drag her to court and get your coins. Kuuku Welsing Jones, lawyer plus journalist came to remind the boys. Thing is, most guys no go ever try. Why? Ego. Bro code. Stigma. Society’s loudspeaker always saying, “man must provide.” Imagine standing in court like, “My Lord, I need my wife to maintain me.” Chale, the memes go fly. But honestly, what’s the difference between that and when a woman does same? Both are humans. Both get bills. Both like shawarma. Kuuku’s message was clear: kings, no let pride kill you. If your bank account is fasting, collect your maintenance boldly.😂😂 Read more

• The FDA’s new report is not vibes at all. After checking products across all 16 regions, they found:

• Kohl (kaji kaji) – 77.79% lead contamination. In Upper East & Eastern, every single sample was toxic.

• Turmeric – 42.09% lead contamination, with Accra & Central topping the charts.

• Tom brown – 29% cadmium contamination. Northeast, Western North & Oti were worst hit.

• Ayilor (bentonite clay) – 24.62% lead, especially in Northeast & Accra.

Most of the culprits? Unbranded products from open markets. Read more

• Accra’s Abeka just got a brand-new GH¢3 million mosque, ribbon cut and everything. But the highlight? Sheikh Umar dropped a sermon hotter than waakye stew: stop marrying “by heart” and giving birth “by heart.” Translation? Don’t be out here collecting wives like Infinity Stones or dropping kids like new iPhone releases if you can’t even pay for diapers. Listen to Sheikh, please, don’t turn your house into a group stage World Cup team when you can barely afford registration fees. Read more

• Accra Post Office has seen all kinds of letters: love notes, job rejections, maybe even those scammy “you’ve won a lottery” envelopes. But last week? Some bros decided to post refuse. And the city said, “Nah fam, return to sender.” They got slapped with a GH¢600 fine, couldn’t pay, and boom, straight to their new address at Nsawam Block “B” for 3 months with hard labour. Meanwhile, the Mayor was like, “Let this be a warning, we’re tired of Accra smelling like 10 week-old banku.” So basically, your next illegal dump could be your next prison bunk. Read more

• Forget Netflix’s Tinder Swindler, this is the Kantamanto Swindler Cinematic Universe. INTERPOL went full Thanos across 14 African countries, snapping up 260 suspected scammers. Ghana alone dropped 68, seized 835 devices, and exposed $450,000 worth of heartbreak and Momo fraud. These guys were out here making fake courier fees and customs charges sound more legit than ECG bills, and in sextortion cases, they were secretly recording “video calls” and flipping them into blackmail. And Ghana wasn’t alone. Senegal’s squad impersonated celebrities (imagine your uncle getting scammed by “Davido”😂😂), Côte d’Ivoire’s crew turned nudes into cash cows, and Angola’s team cooked fake IDs like they were jollof. Read more

• For years, gov’t said the 2022 economic crash was because of Covid and Putin. World Bank just dropped the mic: Nope, you broke it yourself. Fiscal indiscipline, weak governance, and short-term vibes got us stuck in the IMF “revolving door.” Over 800k fell into poverty, and unless Accra gets serious, it’s rinse-and-repeat. In their latest report, they didn’t sugarcoat anything. Covid and Russia only exposed the mess. Ghana has run to the IMF 17 times in 68 years (that’s almost like being in a toxic situationship you can’t quit). COCOBOD drowning in US$1.8bn debt, and the energy sector leaking 2% of GDP yearly like a broken “Kufuor gallon.” Read more

DEEP DIVE

“E” for Elephant

So when former GES boss Charles Aheto-Tsegah said “elephant”, he wasn’t talking about the one on NPP’s logo. He meant the behind-the-scenes “plug” culture, where your uncle’s friend’s MP cousin’s driver can slide you into Grade A Schools even if your grades are screaming “Afamase Akotom Day.” That’s the real traffic jamming up the whole placement system. It’s like buying VIP tickets only to realize half the crowd sneaked in through the back gate.

Aheto-Tsegah didn’t mince words, he called CSSPS “dead on arrival.” Like, from day one the thing was limping, because we tried to build a tech system on vibes without killing the Ghanaian addiction to “who you know.” The math never math-ed. If every protocol kid gets in, it means a kid who actually passed gets bounced. No wonder parents are always outside placement centres.

Bottom line: until Ghana stops treating SHS like a nightclub with bouncers collecting “protocol slips,” this chaos will remain our annual Netflix special. Read more

CHECK OUT WHAT’S TRENDING

• Government records 37% undersubscription; interest rates rise

NEWS SOURCES

Today’s stories are curated from:

1. www.myjoyonline.com

2. www.ghanaweb.com

3. www.citinewsroom.com

4. www.norvanreports.com

5. Channel1news