This is why we fear big English

IMF used grammar to cancel soft life. The read was brutal.

Author

Chale News
April 25, 2025

So, what’s in the bag today?

  • Economic: IMF just pulled up like your rich aunty at a family meeting, ready to sprinkle money and advice if you promise to behave.

  • Regional: One guy wore camo to a funeral… now there’s blood on the streets and a town in mourning.

  • Politics: If you’ve ever said “the system dey mess up”, NPP says now’s your chance.

  • Crime: Kwabena Adu-Boahene and his wife said, “Nah, you can’t just call us fraud boys on national TV and expect us to eat jollof and move on.”

  • National: Even with pockets crying louder than a telenovela widow, COCOBOD says, “We still go run you better cocoa cash.

  • Fact of the Day: You won’t believe it! Clouds weigh like a million tonnes!

  • Regional: What started as one man’s crime is spiraling into a real-life Kumawood action film, homes burnt, cows down, and a 10-year-old boy fighting for his life.

  • Crime: When “touch not my anointed” turned into a full-blown online bashing session, the law said, “Come and explain yourself in court.”

QUICK BYTE

  • So the IMF boss lady, Kristalina Georgieva, basically stood up at the mic and said, “Relax, Ghana. We won’t ghost you.” With the world beefing over tariffs like it’s a Jollof war part 2, she promised the IMF’s got tools, cash, and vibes to help countries like Ghana stay afloat. You know kind of like a sugar daddy with rules.

    But it wasn’t just sweet words. She came with tough love too: “Fix your tax issues. Stop ghosting tax payments like a toxic situationship”. She’s basically saying, stop borrowing every time the fridge is empty. Try save small too. According to her, if we want to survive the economic storm, we need to get our sh*t together and stop depending on vibes and prayers alone. Her final mic drop? “Central banks, don’t fumble this bag.” Read more

  • So, a bunch of friends were on their way to bury their homie in Nyinahin, when what should have been a sad but peaceful goodbye turned into a whole military movie scene. Apparently, one mourner pulled up wearing camouflage — and some passing soldiers were not having it. Like, not today, fam. Get the full deets in the Deep Dive section.

  • Uncle Kwabena Adu-Boahene, the former National Signals Bureau boss (you know, the place that probably knows where your side chick lives), and his wife were just minding their presidential business when the Attorney General went full “journalist at 6pm news,” accusing them of money moves — the illegal kind. He didn’t just hint ooo… man went full PowerPoint + press conference + publish-and-share-on-the-worldwide-web. He called them fraudsters. On record. Live. With mic and cameraman nodding. Get the 411 in the Deep Dive section below

  • A 48-year-old pastor, Emmanuel Boachie, has landed in hot holy water after allegedly calling Prophet Stephen Adom Kyei-Duah everything except a child of God on TikTok, WhatsApp, and Facebook. According to reports, he dropped a whole diss sermon online labeling the Prophet as a false teacher, thief, murderer, anti-Christ, and literal Satan in human form. The man of God who caught strays (Prophet Adom) didn't pray about it, he reported it to the police. Now Boachie’s been remanded in custody by the Asante Akropong Circuit Court and will reappear on April 30. He pleaded not guilty, but even he admitted to uploading the content during police interrogation. Let’s just say Matthew 5:44 ("love your enemies") isn’t trending in this saga. Read more

FACT OF THE DAY

❝

A cloud weighs around a million tonnes.

  • So COCOBOD’s new CEO, Dr. Ransford Abbey, just went on his maiden tour like a gospel artist on Easter weekend, promising cocoa farmers that even though the economy’s doing cha-cha, he’s fighting to make sure cocoa prices go up like inflation, but make it helpful. Man said he’s reviewing the producer price for the 2025/2026 season — basically telling farmers, “We see you. More coins coming.”

    But that’s not all, he’s also side-eyeing galamsey boys, warning fertilizer thieves, and practically begging the youth to join the cocoa gang. He wants to make cocoa farming look sexy again with modern tools, irrigation, and laws to protect cocoa trees like they’re endangered pets. Read more

  • You know when someone does nonsense, and the entire group chat catches stray bullets? That’s basically what’s happening in Aboso. Months ago, a herdsman was arrested for allegedly raping a Christian woman. Serious matter. But as the justice system decided to move with tortoise vibes, local farmers decided they were tired of waiting for “due process.” So they channelled their inner Rambo and launched an attack houses set ablaze, cows turned into smoked meat, and chaos in all caps.

    And then things took a dark, unexpected turn. In the heat of all this cowboy vs. farmer showdown, a 10-year-old boy got shot. Not a grown man oo, a literal primary schooler. Now the poor child is fighting for his life in Begoro hospital. Read more

  • You know how every group chat always has that one guy who’s like, “This party no dey hear we, we need change!” Well, this time, the NPP’s basically said, “Aight bet! Come change am then.” They’ve opened the floor (and their Gmail) for members and loyal squads to drop their hottest amendment takes. Whether it’s “this clause no dey favour grassroots” or “our primaries be Hunger Games,” here’s your chance to speak now or keep quiet till 2028. You can hand-deliver your proposal to the Party HQ, slide it to the Constitutional Amendment Committee Secretary like it’s a coded love note, or go full Gen Z and just shoot your ideas to [email protected]. Just don’t do it like it’s an angry Facebook comment. Read more

DEEP DIVE

A funeral, a fit check, and fatal shots.

But nah, the soldiers weren’t feeling the look. According to the streets, they tried to strip the camo off him like some surprise wardrobe intervention. Things got heated, voices raised, then suddenly — bang. Eyewitnesses say the guy got shot in the head.

Akwasi Lala, known around as Kushivi — is gone, just like that.

The military apparently kept spraying bullets to break up the angry crowd, hitting three more people who are currently recovering in hospital beds probably still wondering how a funeral turned into a battlefield. It’s like the town’s pain hit replay; mourning one friend only to lose another. And over what? A piece of cloth?

Now the police say they’re on it, doing forensics, talking to witnesses, and working with the military to fish out the soldiers involved. But Ghanaians know how these things go. Everyone's watching to see if this will be one of those “oh it’s under investigation” stories that quietly dies in a dusty file cabinet. Read more

Kwabena and Wifey take AG to Court for chatting rubbish

According to the Adu-Boahene’s, Dr. Ayine didn’t just make passing comments; man went full Netflix documentary on their lives at a press conference, painting them as embezzlers and money launderers with more drama than a Kumawood wedding. But Kwabena and co were like, “Eii boss, we dey respect but this one diɛ, you lie bad.” They dragged Dr. Ayine to court with the speed of a broken MTN modem reconnecting — not for vibes, but for defamation. They’re claiming the whole thing made them look like the villains in a heist movie. And now? They’re suing. For their names. For their peace of mind. And lowkey… for their kids who’re getting roasted in school.

So now they’re saying: “If your mouth can cause wahala, your wallet must fix it.” They want serious damages, like the type of money you need to forget that your reputation is doing the backstroke in the gutter. Oh, and they also want a permanent restraining order. In Gen Z language: “Don’t talk about us again. Not even on your burner account. Kapeesh?” Read more

NEWS SOURCES

Today’s stories are curated from: